So I’m at a bar shooting the breeze when my homeboy said something that sparked an interesting conversation. “I’m getting older and it’s time for me to start having some kids man.” “So you’re about to get married?” I asked in shock. He took a sip of beer, shook his head and stared into the glass as if he were searching for the bottom. “Nah, I just don’t want to look like somebody’s Grandpa at the little league games.” He went on to say how he could easily pick a woman who would be more than willing to have his child without requiring him to marry her. Now I understood him on his statement about getting older, but fundamentally disagreed with him on his child approach!
The sentiments shared of having the desire to procreate by him are very normal for men. Furthermore, the psychology behind humanity’s desire to reproduce is natural and innately hard-wired in our biological make-up. However, I’d argue that men have a more disproportionate biological desire and psychological disposition to want to procreate more often than women do.
Did you know the average man produces almost 300 million sperm per ejaculation?
Women on the other hand are capable of producing multiple eggs only once a month, but I guarantee you they ain’t touching 300 million! Sure Women get urges of wanting to reproduce after their eggs are released once a month, but Men are stuck carrying around more seeds on a daily basis than the U.S. population of people! Despite the desire to plant our seeds, there’s a danger that plagues our personal plights to procreate with ill regard. There’s a responsibility to reproduction.
There’s a lot more to being a father than planting a few seeds and having a baby.
So let me put my coaching hat on for a second… Let’s say you get her pregnant, she has the child and now you got what you so yearned for. You both initially agreed you didn’t necessarily have to be together, but you will parent the child together. You agreed to be there emotionally, financially and physically for the child. No problems right? Well, what happens when she reneges on her promise of being rational and reasonable about the agreement you both made in the beginning because she wants more than just a baby’s daddy?
She has no desire to keep hearing about:
- All the other women you’re dating.
- The new car you just bought.
- Or your 10 day trip to Puerto Rico with the fellas!
She would love for you to be the one who wakes up in the middle of the night when your son can’t sleep and she’s suddenly tired of you playing daddy on Wednesdays and every other weekend. In fact, you’re providing more than most fathers ever do, but she starts thinking, “Why can’t we be a family?” Which really translates to, you should have known better than to think she was going to have your baby without catching any feelings! (DUHHH!)
Now, due to your resistance to commit, you might want to prepare yourself for the bitterness, back-stabbing, back child support payments and better days behind you all because of her broken heart.
Fellas, family is important and we need to reiterate and represent that importance courageously. What’s sad is, now days you could easily draft up a contract with a woman to go half on a baby without even considering the possibility of getting married. Her desperate cries for intimacy, identity and motherhood leave her vulnerable to the subtle suggestions of our systemic cycle of selfish satisfactions.
Our breakdown in today’s value and belief systems in terms of relationships are fundamentally flawed and need to be rectified. Due to our upbringing, many of us have no idea what good even looks like or have ever experienced healthy lasting relationships.
Here are 3 ways Men can change the cycle:
- Stop giving in to your selfish desires.
- Saying “No” to satisfying your Ego.
- Man-up! If she’s good enough to have your baby, she’s good enough to MARRY!
God made it so women couldn’t reproduce without us for a reason. Let’s resurrect our belief system by being responsible, righteous brothers who can not only go half on a baby, but also forge the faithfulness and fullness of being a true family for that baby.
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“Keep the faith, keep making it happen and remember to stay out of your own way!”