“I’ve given up on Black Women.”
Those words are responsible for me losing 3 nights of sleep this week. Sadly, they were uttered from a man who looked very similar to me. Despite the fact that I was ease dropping and only overheard fragments of a conversation I wasn’t apart of and easily could’ve taken his words out of context, I vehemently disagree and in NO way believe in, subscribe to or share his sentiments. In fact, hearing this, disgusted me and raised my blood pressure higher than it should be! But it also caused me to ponder a much deeper question I want to ask you…
“Have you ever had a man tell you he loves you without wanting anything from you?”
Aside from your father, brother or immediate family… has it ever happened for you? I’m pretty certain I can guess your answer. Professionally, I’ve touched the lives of 1000’s through coaching, counseling, live events, radio or television and the response to this question seems to be the same… Whenever I pose that question to a room full of women, the individual responses start with a puzzled look of uncertainty that reluctantly morphs into slouched shoulders and then a shameful smirk that evolves into a look of disappointment after noticing the lack of raised hands in the room.
Well today I’m telling you, “I love you.” No attachments, no hidden agenda, no games or gimmicks. I say this as a Black Man loving his sister because I’m concerned.
As a Black Woman you have been ridiculed, marginalized, manipulated, demoralized, dismissed, unappreciated, disrespected, objectified and disappointed in too many ways.
The truth is, you’re beautiful; inside and out.
Though the world may criticize, judge, laugh, lust after or ridicule your worth, today I’m lifting you up because we can’t stand to lose ANYmore sisters to the minutia of marketing madness trying to minimize your value and worth.
Even though I say this, I wonder how much propaganda has subconsciously polluted your perspective of who you are and the capacity you have to be loved; more importantly the capacity to even love yourself. As a man, it pains me to see how you’re being disrespected by and depicted to the rest of the world; especially on television. Let television and social media tell it… the constant bickering, backstabbing, betrayals and fighting has become the blueprint and definition of how a black woman acts and attracts what she wants. It’s a subliminal message that is not true and has to stop… we must do better.
Too many women have found themselves morally bankrupt suffering from spiritual malnutrition and a crisis of identity and intimacy because of our irresponsibility as Men to stand up, protect, defend and fight for you… Too many men have found comfort in treating you as a sidechick or have sat on the sidelines watching your demise because they’re emotionally impotent, intellectually immature, selfish, afraid and unsure of how to come to your defense. But I love you enough to fight for you because I see you. I see your frustration, your disappointment, pain, hurt, struggle, your grind, your love and your tireless support for boys posing as men who sometimes don’t do the same for you. I see your hope slowly drifting away. I see you for who God says you are and who He says you CAN be!
I see you because I love you, I believe in you and I’m man enough to say I will fight for you… and there are other real men who believe and are doing the same.
So I say this in love… whatever you do, continue being an example and setting the standard of excellence. Keep pushing forward, flawless and shining with Queenly qualities. Our daughters, sisters, nieces and little cousins are watching. Little Girls need you to show them how to be Grown Women. Responsible, intellectual, loving, nurturing, resilient, beautiful, uniquely vibrant and unafraid of your God given brilliance!
Remember that no matter what the world says, other races say, the media says… even what some of us as sometimes misguided, immature Men irresponsibly say… Please know I confidently speak for every Real Man who’s been privileged to be your son, brother, boyfriend, husband, father or friend…
YOU. ARE. AMAZING.
and we will never give up on you!
Real Men see you… We love you… We believe in you, we NEED you and we will always be here to stand up, protect, defend and fight for you. We’ll never give up on Black Women…
Jack A. Daniels
P.S. To every skeptical critic reading this, rolling your eyes with your lips curled up because you’re ready to fire back with a projection of your own experiences, disappointments, insecurities, self-worth and hurt…Don’t bother. You don’t have to believe my Words… just watch and hold me accountable for the Work I do to stay true to my words! I can show you better than I can tell you.
Thank you for your obedience, passion and discipline. Thank God for you!
Hey Jack! First, allow me to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for being a part of the movement to reassure our women that we love them unconditionally! The more brothers like yourself that we have, the better off our queens will be! I can only imagine the countless number of black women who have been blessed by these and other expressions from us. And second, kindly allow me to share a 2005 poem of mine aptly titled, ‘A Black Woman’s Worth’. My goal is to share this piece with over one million women of color that they might take away from it all that the writer intended. This piece also inspired a stage play script of mine bearing the same title. My prayer and most firm belief is that the stage play will be just as uplifting. Feel free to share this with your inner circle. Thanks, and thanks again for loving on The Black Woman!
A Black Woman’s Worth
Darrell A. Cador
In the midst of all that was, is, and is to be, the one consistency in the life of a Black Man is the presence of his cherished Black Woman. Whether he’s aware of this or not is a matter of perspective. Yet, her profound role in the evolution of this uncrowned king is truly unmatched.
‘Do Black Men Still Want Us?’ was the question that blazed the cover of a popular magazine. To all of my beautiful, intelligent, multi-talented, multi-dimensional, heart-warming, free-spirited, sumptuous, sensual, mind-blowing Black sisters who desire an answer to such an inquiry, you need look no further than the question itself. Black Men Still Do. And not only do we still want the most prized and treasured possession on earth…but we need you!
We yearn for you the way a flower yearns for the sun: For without you, existence is difficult if not impossible. We long for you the way fish long for the ocean: For life begins to end the moment we are separated from you. And we desire you the way a Black Man desires his Black Woman: For only Chocolate Stars can make little chocolate bars.
Too often a particular value is placed on you, which, honestly, makes me laugh. The Hope Diamond, in all its marveled brilliancy, appears as nothing more than a dollar store paperweight compared to you. How foolish is it to put a price on something so priceless.
And by all means, my dark-skinned, light-skinned, fair-skinned sisters, if nothing else, always be mindful of the resilient gene pool from whence you came. A mere one out of five slaves survived the physical, mental, and spiritual horrors of the Middle Passage. And you, in all your strength, beauty and allure, are direct descendants of those determined few. A Black woman’s worth is worth more than the world will ever know. And as long as you know, trust, and believe this…then so shall we.
Thank You so much! Loved the poem ?
Thank you so much for validating somethings that have taken me years to understand .
Thank you. Your genuine words brought fluttery to my heart. I appreciate you and all of our black men, sons, Fathers and brothers who continue to protect, defend and foster positive images of the black woman.
Hmmm this is deep…. So deep. From Nigeria
The “…minutia of marketing madness trying to minimize your value and worth.” was right on. The marketing has done a job on us and how we see ourselves, how the world sees us, and how the black man responds to us. We are in a no win situation I feel. How do we fight back? How do we gain back our position as queens?
More affirmations of women are much needed and WE have to begin the process of speaking this same love towards ourselves and each other!!!! We are all beautifully broken and fabulously flawed!!!!
We are not only lovable but we are Chosen. What does that really mean? By definition, it means “selected from several”, “preferred”. The root verb for chosen is choose. We choose or make many decisions in life. From the time we are little girls we are making choices, choices on are friends, what we wear, whether or not we listen to our parents or authority figures in our lives. Even at a young age these choices or decisions have lasting impacts on us for the rest of our lives.
Going back to the definition of ‘chosen’, to be “selected from several”, implies that there are many options or choices that can be made. For example, when you are planning to go to college, you visit the campuses of several universities and based upon your preference, you choose which one you want to attend. Ideally, the chosen university was the best or most ‘preferred’ campus otherwise you would not have picked it…right? It is like that with being a woman. The science of conception even involves selection. When an egg is fertilized, it is the best, most well-equipped sperm that penetrates the egg and begins the cycle of life. During this process, the sex of the child yet to be born is ‘chosen’ based on cell division and in my own personal opinion, God.
In life women are chosen everyday, some chosen to be mothers, some chosen to be wives, some chosen for a particular career or profession. No matter what you as a woman are chosen to do, its important to always simply remember that you ARE CHOSEN! You are preferred by your children, preferred by your husband, but most importantly you are preferred by Christ. From the time you were created, you were chosen. God created you and filled you with everything that He knew you would need in order to fulfill what He had desired for you do do. Hints we are vessels. Unfortunately, life too often does not allow us to see this for ourselves. We become jaded, we become hollow, and for some of us, we crack altogether. However, there is nothing ever made by God that can not be repaired. There is nothing created by God that is so foul or dirty that it can not be cleaned. For we are His earthen vessels filled with a purpose. Sometimes in order of us women to be filled with this purpose, we have to remove or get rid of all the things that we have put in our vessels. The bad break-up, the drug addiction, the lack of self-worth, fear, doubt. All of these things will forever keep you from understanding that you are chosen and will keep you from finding your purpose. We all know the saying, “Its better to give than to receive”…well if we are to receive our purpose and the things that God has for us, we have to give up on what we have allowed the world and our own selfish hang ups to tell us we deserve or are worth. We can never find our true purpose if we continue to be blinded to the truth that we are CHOSEN.
Thank you brother!!!
Thank you Jack. Thanks for the Black Love program showing women who can gather, speak and share that experiences without throwing glasses or disrespecting one another.
Thank you Mr. Daniels I have tears in my eyes we never hear anything uplifting or encouraging from black men we feel invisible to them at times. I just wanted to say thank you for those soul nourishing words. God Bless you and your beautiful wife .
Thank you for reminding the world of who we truly are, contrary to the image portrayed in the media. “Little Girls need you to show them how to be Grown Women. Responsible, intellectual, loving, nurturing, resilient, beautiful, uniquely vibrant and unafraid of your God given brilliance!” I’ll be doing my part!