A good friend and I were talking about what it would truly take for his woman to satisfy and please him. He simply couldn’t understand why and how the process of one woman making him happy was so hard.  He was convinced that he had covered all of the bases in the course of their relationship and was at a loss as to what else he could do to remain faithful.  According to him, he was unhappy with her inability to satisfy all of his desires.

Of course everyone who knows me knows that I’m extremely passionate about invoking thought and challenging the way people process information whenever given the opportunity. Thus, in answer to his dismal disposition and perplexing problem I told him one of my favorite riddles.

“It’s more powerful than God, more evil than the devil.  Rich people need it and poor people have it.  If you eat it, you will surely die.” “What am I?”  I tend to challenge people with this riddle because I find it amazing at how most of us often make simple solutions into complex concerns.

There’s no easy way around it, relationships are hard work.  The energy and efforts required in fostering the growth and development of a lasting relationship is even harder. When you factor in the element of dealing with the unpredictable emotional roller-coaster rides women traditionally put us on, you’ve just multiplied your efforts times twenty-eight! (depending on when her cycle falls)  Everyone encounters complications within their relationships.  The truth is none of us have had any degree of formalized training on how to truly make them work.  We’ve had training in every other facet of our lives.  Science, mathematics, sports, diversity, sex and so on, but not relationships.

Furthermore, as men we’ve been conditioned to constantly search for the woman who we think encompasses all of the elements necessary for making us happy.  I’m not going to bore you with a bunch of case studies and psychiatric babbling.  Simply put, being happy requires you doing the work!  Abraham Lincoln said, “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”  Most people have the misconception that their happiness comes from other people.

It’s not her job to make you happy; that accountability belongs to you!

While working with couples I’ve observed that most of the time the person who is the unhappiest in the relationship is often the same one who needs to spend the most time self-examining them self.  Now that’s not to say it occurs that way always, but quite often people’s exaggerated expectations and perceptions overshadow the truths and realities of their individual situations and circumstances.

3 Questions to Ask:

  1. What can the next woman really give you that your current one can’t?
  2. Do you think the next one isn’t going to bring a totally different set of new issues to the table?
  3. Does the thrill of new explorations, expectations and experiences outweigh someone who loves and accepts you for you?

The truth is, until you have honestly assessed and dealt with all of the problems of your past, dilemmas you never discussed and the monsters you hide under the multiple masks you wear daily, you will forever be a fugitive forging falsified illusions of faithfulness.
Be true to yourself and do the necessary work it takes to make your self whole and happy.  If you continue to run from one relationship to the next without pausing to acknowledge and assess what is or has possibly caused the demise of the last one, you’re doing nothing but perpetuating the existence of a systemic cycle of selfish, self-indulgent, self-destructive behavior.

Overall, remember that you control your level of happiness.  Stop running from yourself and confront your countless complexities.  Stop fooling yourself acting as if you’re invincible, nothing bothers you and no one has ever hurt you. Until you have acknowledged, discovered and tapped into the true man God has anointed and purposed you to be, you will never be truly satisfied or happy.  And in case you were wondering, the answer of what a “woman” needs to do in order to truly satisfy and make you happy is ironically the same answer to the above riddle. (nothing)  It’s not up to her, it’s up to you.  Man-up, stop running from yourself and do the work! (Share this)

“Keep the faith, keep making it happen and remember to stay out of your own way!”



Jack A. Daniels, also known as The King of Breakthroughs is a psychotherapist, media personality, award-winning speaker and 5 time best-selling author of books such as, “I Need a Wife…Where are the REAL Women?” and “Stay Out of Your Own Way.” He's one of the leading authorities for overcoming fears and getting people unstuck in love, relationships, business or life. Jack is a Master Storytelling Expert who helps beginning & established Speakers find their personal story and get PAID to speak. Jack has been featured on BBC, Fox News, Bravo, BET, CBS, NBC, ABC, WEtv, Cosmopolitan, Esquire, DateDaily and you can watch him every week on the FYI channel as the host of #BlackLove!

Copyright Pressing Pause, LLC | Jack A. Daniels 2015